Tradition demands that I start every post with an update so here’s a quick recap of what’s been going on in my universe. I’ve been busy writing love poems for a new venture I’m working on amongst other super exciting things I can’t wait to share with you! I’m baking in my cocoon and my wings are almost ready.
Alongside this, I’ve been parenting a giant sumo wrestler heavy weight champion one year old and freelance writing. Some days I want to break my head. Other days I want to eat flowers. Comme ci, come ca.
Moving on to the reason we are gathered here today, beloved butterfly bishes, the first topic I thought to cover this year since Valentine’s Day is around the corner and everyone is hot and ready for love is the first love. Your first love. Our first love.
I’m sure most of you have heard the saying that there’s no love like your first love. So, I wanted to explore this saying and how true it actually is.
I thoroughly enjoy sending annoying broadcast messages on Whatsapp asking thought provoking questions. And sometimes I think my contacts like it too. So according to the statistics of the Naked Poet’s Whatsapp, no love can compare to your first love and every love after your first love can. Let me explain further.
A First Only Happens ONCE
Your first loveis the first love poem you write. Sit back and think about how you saw your heart beat out of your chest for the first time. Remember when you kissed them and it felt like stars were exploding in your chest. When they smiled and you felt like you were hugging the sun. I feel like the second time you experience those feelings, they don’t hold the same intensity, because you can only experience a first time once.
One of my faithful Whatsapp contacts shares similar sentiments.
“You can’t have a second first experience, so that special one really is momentous. But as you grow and expand, your capacity to love changes, matures, deepens, and can eventually become more profound than your earliest experiences.”
The reality is you don’t get the magic of a first love twice. You can create new magic, but you can’t relive the first.
Your Perception of Love Evolves
One interesting thing a first love does is moulds your perception of what love is. At 30 years old, I still can’t give you a clear and definitive answer if you asked me what love is. However, because of how explosive my first love was, I expected subsequent loves to feel like that as well. And perhaps that’s the very reason that they weren’t. My roll dog Ezimma better explains it here;
“I think love after your first can be ‘greater’ or as explosive. But maybe we’re unable to realise it because we become accustomed to the feelings…Also, I know people whose relationships have become more explosive as they’ve aged and developed a deeper, clearer understanding of what love actually is.”
So as baby girl said, when you’re able to let go of the fuzzy feelings and develop a clearer understanding of what love is, I think you can begin to grow beyond your first love. Because the first essay you write probably isn’t your best essay. And the first painting you draw probably isn’t a masterpiece. And the first time you rode a bike you probably busted your ass.
From my first love until now, I can say that I now believe that love is about freedomand coexisting in one another’s world without demanding anything from them. Love is about an ongoing exchange and appreciating the magic that happens in between.
With that being said, your perception of love will evolve over time, leaving room for it to be far better than the first.
Pain Changes the Way You Love
Unless you went on to marry your first love, you probably experienced your first heartbreak when it ended. And that pain changes the way you love. Moving forward, the mark where you heart was burned serves as a constant reminder of love’s first sting. You marvel at it wondering how you were able to survive it and so many loves after.
I think the heartbreak that ensued after my first love has changed the way that I love in the sense that I have a more practical approach to it now. I no longer write love poems in the middle of the day and find myself ready to explode as a result of the butterflies in my belly. My first love made me feel as though that love was the only thing that could make me happy and make me feel alive. Now, I understand that love isn’t about placing your happiness in someone else’s hands. So, I love with a mind of giving and limiting my expectations.
As my soul sister Liz beautifully states;
“..No one can compare to the first love… Not because of the feelings they gave me, but because of the lessons they taught me.”
The pain and euphoria you experience in your first love teaches you lessons and in some ways, teaches you how to love as well. Ultimately, your first love sets the tone for any other love you’ll give.
I think the general consensus is that no love can compare to your first love, but your second or third is capable of superseding the first.
”Yes, I think I have grown in love more in every new relationship. I love my current girlfriend more than all my past girlfriends. I think the only time we still believe our previous love, or first love was better is when we haven’t or never healed from the break up.”
Appreciate the experience of loving for the first time and then frame it in your museum of memories. Admire it from a distance accepting that there’s no need to relive it. You’ve got a chance at experiencing something so much more dynamic. You’ve got an opportunity to write a new love poem.
Let me know what you think about first love’s and whether any other love can compare by commenting below!