Hey, my magnificent butterflies!

One of the proudest moments in my life is when I finish using the bathroom and see clear pee starring back at me. Words can’t describe the level of accomplishment I feel. For anyone hating on me in this present moment, I’m pretty sure you have dark yellow pee, so go and up your water game fam. Clear urine is the new black. Anyways, before I go into the topic of the day which is unpopular marriage tips, as custom would have it, I’ve got to start by giving you guys an update on life.

I’m not in Nigeria at the moment so I don’t have any updates on crazy taxi drivers, broken generators, or interesting excursions. I’m starting a new chapter and trying to break some new stereotypes about this whole wife mom business. I don’t want to add to the statistic of moms who get married and become an absolute bore.

Although I am a new member of the raggedy mom and dingy headscarf committee, to avoid fading into the background, I am presently working on creating canvas poems. I am going to start some arts and crafts guys. Better get my autograph before I become hotcakes. Also, I’m going to schedule in time to explore somewhere new at least once a week and start performing spoken word again. Dazall for now! So, onto the reason for the season!

Let me start by saying that I am no relationship expert and I haven’t got a clue what makes a marriage work. I am just a spring chicken marriage girl who is fascinated by human behavior.  I have, however, observed that there are many uncomfortable things that we don’t like to talk about when it comes to marriage.

I wrote this article to explore a few unpopular marriage tips that don’t seem to be given to singles. We often hear retarded craps like look sexy for your man so his eyes don’t wander, and buy her flowers so she doesn’t cheat on you in a garden. But what about the really difficult and ugly realities?

On that note, here are 4 marriage tips that I don’t think singles hear enough…

1.) Choose Partnership Before Love

I found some research on marriage that showed 88% of people feel that love is an important reason to get married.  In as much as I agree with this, I think partnership makes a marriage work more than love does. On that note, one of the best marriage tips for me would be to choose partnership before love.

Instead of asking yourself what scene out of your favorite romance film that you’d like to live out, I think you should ask yourself what sort of partner you’d want to manage a home, share finances, and raise kids with. Beyond breakfast in bed and candlelit dinners, you’re going to spend a lot of time doing these often, mundane things.

When it comes to partnership and compatibility, I think you should think along the lines of things such as 00.how you want to split chores, how the bills are going to be divided and who’s going to watch the rugrats when. This is key as when love, whatever that is, becomes hazy, these are the realities you have to deal with. Don’t get me wrong, I think love and fairytales are great, but often times we forget about the inevitable lows that will occur.

Ultimately, I think a marriage should consist of two partners who make life easier to go through as opposed to more difficult. On that note, beyond love, one of the best marriage tips is to think about being with someone who makes your burden lighter and not heavier.

2.) Create Your Own Damn Rules

Amongst all of the marriage tips, I think creating your own rules is one of the most unpopular and my favorite. Anyone who knows me knows I totally detest orthodoxy and those stupid rules that society creates for us to abide by. While some are great for a cohesive society, others are just malarkey. On that note, I feel one of the best marriage tips that singles can consider is that when it comes to marriage, you should create your own damn rules.

People have all of these retarded sayings about how wives should act and how husbands should act and although I understand that they’re pulling from common characteristics they see married people emulate, it doesn’t mean that they will work for your marriage.

You’ve got to sit down and think about what will make you both happy as individuals, meet in the middle and create rules for your marriage based on that. This means that if you need a solo holiday without your spouse once a year and he/she is cool with that, you should feel free to do it. Never let what society says is right or wrong in a marriage dictate how you manage your home.

Marriage should be an opportunity to create your own rules, traditions, and norms of your family. It’s a chance to build a universe of your own and quite frankly, what other people think about the structure you create doesn’t matter.

3.) Expectations are a Bish so Ditch Them

In every relationship, I think people come in expecting certain things. However, when it comes to marriage I think one of the best marriage tips to consider is ditching the expectations, especially when they’re unrealistic. Sit down and talk about the things you’d like your partner to do in a constructive way, but leave room for imperfections, because they come in abundance.

For instance, as we know most men expect women to be the cleaner, pole dancer, administrator, mother, rememberer of every damn thing, party planner, organizer, human diary, financial advisor, and the list goes on. It is no surprise that the average married woman is found to be less happy than the average married man, less happy than single women, and more likely to file for divorce.  If men stopped expecting so much, there would be less pressure on women and more to enjoy in marriage.

In the same respect, men are expected to be breadwinners and creators of happiness and stability. This can be stressful for men as well, so women lowering their expectations and approaching marriage as more of a partnership would go a long way as well.  

At the end of the day talking about your expectations and being HONEST about what you can and can’t do is critical! If you know you aren’t ready to take on 100% of the domestics, work and be his stripper at night stop pretending you can. And men, if you can’t work three jobs to fund her quarterly girl’s trips and buy her the latest luxury bags, stop pretending you can.

Come to a marriage with an open mind and think about what you can contribute to making the other person’s life easier, not about what you can take. If not, expectations will cripple your marriage.

4.) Know Who You Are or Choose a Flexible Partner

Marriage has a lot to do with two weird people coming together to live one uninformed life. If you don’t know who you are and what you want before marriage, then how do you know whether you’re compatible with someone that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with?

If, for instance, you don’t know what career path you want to take and suddenly decide you want to become a singer halfway through your marriage, how does your husband who has said he could never marry a superstar deal with that?

I’m not going to give you any speech about finding yourself, because I honestly think a series of events happen and your true self finds you one day as opposed to vice versa. I can, however, say that being married and not knowing who you are is a recipe for a life filled with cognitive dissonance. Having said that, it is difficult to say that you shouldn’t get married until you know who you are because quite frankly, that could take years. Instead, the solution may be to marry someone who’s open-minded enough to ride with you irrespective of what version of yourself you transition into.

Ultimately, I think marriage is fundamentally about choosing partners that are in sync with our desired roles as wives or husbands, and humans. At the end of the day, it’s about building families where it’s more about partnership than it is culture and tradition.

I wrote this article about unpopular marriage tips to inspire you to think critically and deeply about love, who you are, what you want, and the type of person that compliments these things. Hopefully after reading, when choosing a partner, you’ll make sure they’re ready to give more than they take and expect nothing more than you evolve into who you were born to be.